I wish I could say that my lack of a post yesterday meant that I was doing something else productive. The truth of the matter is that I was watching television. It was mindless and it just was. I didn't really mean to spend the whole day doing it. We can let ourselves get caught up in things and then the next thing we know there goes all of our time. I had decided to watch a couple of really old DVR recording and then next thing I knew I was cleaning it out.
I was procrastinating. I was going to just watch a couple shows, then it became a couple more, then I needed to finish that series, and then the day had passed me by. I can do this with books as well. I start reading and then the next thing I know I've finished a whole book (or series) and spent the whole day doing it.
Well, back on the bandwagon for me then. I had the feeling that this wasn't going to be a perfect thing for me, but this time I'm determined that I'm not going to give up, even when I mess up. My problem in the past is that I would have given up and told myself that "I can never do this, it's impossible." Well, this time I'm ignoring that little voice that says that I can't and doing it anyways!
It's impossible. I put my head down on the desk and closed my eyes. I knew I couldn't do this, I told them that there wasn't a point in it. I'm glad that I didn't waste my time on it after all, there was no way to get it all done. The paper subject was too broad for me and I didn't know how to narrow it down. It kept getting bigger and bigger too. There was no way that I was going to finish it by tomorrow. There's no way I could have put enough time into it to have finished by tomorrow.
With a sigh I lift my head back up and silently give up. There's no point anymore, so I'm going to do something else that way when I fail I will at least have an excuse, that I didn't try to succeed. I put the papers back in my folder and put the folder away, out of sight, out of mind. Then I went over to my bookshelf and picked up my latest addictive masterpiece. It was a wonderful series full of fantastical places and wonderfully rich characters. I could loose myself in the books anytime anywhere. If only I could do that with my paper. Then maybe I might have been able to get it done. I shook my head and put the thought aside. Then I found a comfortable place and started to read. It was so much more enjoyable to be sharing the lives of these characters. They didn't have to worry about homework or whether or not they were good enough, they were awesomely perfect, just like I wished that I was. I would pretend to be them for awhile and not worry about whether or not I was enough.
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