I know that most of us have been asked once or twice in our lives if we're introverts or extroverts. This is a question that many extroverts don't really understand. The world today is focused on extroversion and unless you're really in introvert you don't understand this at all. As an introvert that has worked really hard to figure this out, maybe I can help.
There is more to introversion than many in society realizes. It's always portrayed that the anti-social people are introverts. This isn't always correct, but sometimes it is. It's like saying that all extroverts are dare-devils. Extroversion and introversion has to do with how we recharge in our lives. It has to do with how we find peace and energy that life in general drains away from us all. Most extroverts don't even think about this because today's society had deemed extroversion to be the normal state of human beings and introversion to be abnormal.
Contrary to popular belief introversion is not abnormal and it is not a sign of mental illness. We're overwhelmed with the world. We process information in a different way and for many of us the constant barrage of extroversion that exists in society is more than we can take in. So, we just sit back and watch. It's like being at the zoo and watching the monkeys zooming through the trees in play, we're mesmerized and exhausted just by watching. Especially if the group is unfamiliar to us or if we feel like we don't really belong, we're much happier on the outside looking in.
I know that this is something that many extroverts simply can't understand and with today's society they're not required to, but for an introvert to be around extroverts all day long is tiring. Introverts thrive on quiet and being able to process things in our own heads. Big social gatherings, such as schools or bars or office parties, suck up all the quiet and make it hard to think. I know that extroverts are the opposite, they thrive off of social interaction and can't stand it's absence. Growing up as in introvert we hear all about it all the time. Any silence is considered awkward and is supposed to be filled with something. If you let silence stretch with an extrovert they get uneasy and will look for a way out of this unfamiliar territory. This is the same way that introverts react to noisy, crowded, conversation filled places. It's like you're exploring unfamiliar territory and it's exhausting!
In order to not feel awkward in such situations many introverts take on aspects of extroversion, at least in public. We'll be talkative and engaging enough that most people don't know that we're not "people persons" but later on, when we're alone, we collapse.
The best way that I know how to explain this is with my own personal experiences. I worked in the retail business for five very long years. When I started out I was lucky enough to work for a convenience store in an area where it was a pretty tight knit community and they all had a lot of patience. I was your typical introvert, I didn't want to be touched or talked to and I felt awkward around people almost to the point of social phobia. I was bad enough that when I got the job my husband didn't believe that I could adjust enough to do my job.
My first day on the job I got used to their computer system very quickly, but getting used to being around and serving people all day was something else. The first time that someone touched my hand while handing me money I actually dropped it all. I felt stupid, but for me it was an automatic reaction. There were several things that I had to learn to get over or to suppress in order to thrive in the position I had taken. With time and patience I got over most of my anti-social tendencies.
When I later moved on to a job with Walmart about three years later they didn't even realize that I really wasn't a people person. I was an introvert that had learned to become an extrovert. I was forced to conform to the norms of society in order to make a living. I spent all day everyday pretending to be something other than what I was. Not only was it exhausting being around people that I didn't know all day long, it was exhausting pretending to be as social as they were. To an extrovert it would have been a dream job, to me it was a constant trial. When I came home at night I was exhausted and needed to recharge. I wanted to just sit at home with my family and I wanted even more to just be left alone for awhile.
The best way that I found to explain to people was to simply say that "Some days I hate people". Everything else simply caused people to ask too many questions. How exactly do you say, "I just really want to go hide in a hole for the rest of the day," to your coworkers and still seem normal? You just don't. Working as a cashier was for me the hardest job that I've ever had to do. Not physically hard, but the most draining. My dream job will always be one where I work more with my mind than with other people, but until then you'll find me (along with countless other introverts out there) pretending to be an extrovert in order to survive.
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